Stringfellow Launches “Pocket Rocket” Underwear Range
This week saw the launch of Peter Stringfellow’s new underwear range in front of an invited audience in London’s Soho. The legendary lothario has released a range of underpants aimed mainly at the over 40′s. The “pocket rocket” range are personally designed by Peter himself and come in a variety of colours including a traditional leopard print and are 75% lycra, 25% polyester and are priced at a very generous £9.99. They will be stocked by several high street stores including Debenhams. The long-haired greaseball spoke at the press launch and said “I’ve always preferred underpants to boxers and there’s definitely a gap in the market for something stylish and practical. You won’t be going home alone with these beauties on”
Council Blunder Bradford Building
Bradford City Council have been accused of incompetence after their new £200,000 office building seemed to contain several major flaws. Residents have described the office as an “eyesore” resembling something out of a funfair. Council officials however have denied that the building has “gone wrong”, stating, “While we admit that there was a slight miscalculation with the plans and the office is not 100% how it was designed, it is still usable and we will not waste any more public funds in correcting it.” A local resident who did not wish to be named, had no hesitation in blowing the lid off the abhorration. “I know the firm that did it. They are complete cowboys. I once got them in to do my patio and they turned up pissed 3 days running so i sent them on their way“. On hearing that the council had described it as “original”, the resident stormed, “original my arse.”
1 + 1 = Now Equals 2.3????
A Norwegian mathematician has revolutionised the world of mathematics by coming up with a new formula to show that 1 + 1 actually equals 2.3. After years of research, Helmut Schown has discovered a new decimalisation principle that is far too complicated to be explained. However, the principle has been accepted and will be introduced into all European schools from September of 2014. Mr Schown was quoted as saying “I have changed history. And school teachers can piss off”.